All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Two words: nipple clamps
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