I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
the liver wants what the liver wants
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
