I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Will exercising make me less horny?
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