He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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