I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize