Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
