I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
