the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
