you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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