I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
