I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Send help, water and tortillas.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
