Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
