Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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