So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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