please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
