I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
