NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
