You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
