Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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