If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
