no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
