Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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