You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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