I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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