I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
COCAINE IS GR8
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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