we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
