This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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