what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
