Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
