In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
