I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
