im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
