One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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