i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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