She is in my trunk
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize