I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
