What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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