he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
