I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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