if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize