It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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