I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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