for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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