y did u give ur computer a hand job?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
