somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
