All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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