We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
