I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize