my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
