my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I still have a little drunk in my system
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
