Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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