Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Drake has all the answers
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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