I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
