Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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