i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
