It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
