did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
