end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
