Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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