His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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