"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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