This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
