Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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