Is it because I queefed?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
