So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
