I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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