dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
