Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
