i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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