You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
