Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
